Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
