Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He passed out mid-signature
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
