and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
