you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
