we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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