if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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