If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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