I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
