Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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