My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
