god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
