i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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