you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
