omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
