Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
