Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
