i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
