I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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