the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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