i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize