Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
