You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
