I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
