we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
