I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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