you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
