It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
