Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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