I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
