there's paper in my vomit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
