So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
