Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
