What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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