Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry about my life...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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