***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
