That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
