I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
