I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
