Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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