my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
