can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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