We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
