that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
