I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
