Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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