then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
