Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
