you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
