it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
