my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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