If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
