I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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