im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
