last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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