We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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