i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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