cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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