i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
