Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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