I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
