If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
