I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
