Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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