Someone shit on the floor
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
