one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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