I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
