Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
