does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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