i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
