I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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