i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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