I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
