Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
did you just send me my own nude
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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