I think my vagina is haunted
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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