How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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