you turned your livingroom into a bong?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
