Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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