It's Friday. Sex?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize